What Is Her Last Resort?
by ForeverIsALongTime
Summary: Vanessa's life seemed better. She thought she left the horrible habit at Golden Slopes. What happens when fate takes an ugly turn for the worst? Will she escape the only way she knows how? Or will she take a different road?


**Summary: **_Vanessa thought her life was better. Her dad was coming home, she had love, and she had her family beside her. She wanted to forget about her horrible habit and everything at Golden Slopes. But what happens when fate takes an unsuspecting, ugly turn? Will Vanessa escape the only way she knows how? Or will she take the better road? Read and find out!_

**Disclaimer: **_I definitely don't own Impulse. I loved the book so much._

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Vanessa's POV:

"It's over. Thank god." I whisper, thankful to be out of that hell-hole/heaven. I love Tony, and I want our lives to be as normal as possible. Thank god for his dad taking him in like that. Speaking of which, Tony didn't say good-bye. _Well, he should catch up with his dad_, I think dejectedly when I hear a voice…

"Boo," I hear a whisper in my ear. I whip my head around, but I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Hey Tony. What's up? Where's your dad?" It seemed strange his dad wasn't around to pick him up…

Tony saw the confused look on his face and said matter-of-factly,"He's not here. He said if I wanted, and of course if it was okay with your folks, I could stay with you at your house. He's on a business trip for a few days. No more than three or four." That big goofy grin on his face made me suppress a laugh. A joyful "Yay!" was heard in front of me, following a row of "Please Daddy? Pretty please?" This time I do laugh. Of course my brother would want more people around. Specifically my new *boy* friend he could play with.

My dad looked a little worried about the words "boy" and "'my' house" in the same sentence. Tony seemed to read his mind, and spoke in an almost-mocking tone, making my dad laugh, "Don't worry sir! I promise I won't do anything to make it seem I disrespect you or your family in your house!" The goofy grin and mock-salute combined cracked my dad's tough exterior, and he laughed a bit, seeming to relax.

"When he does that, he seems to really mean it." I say, trying to further convince my dad in case he still objected. Of course my dad would trust me. I know the guy longer than he has. My dad is probably worrying about the fact that he came from the same mental institution as me. Please. That should comfort him. We're both as fine as we can get.

I take my dad aside. Tony talks to my brother. I look my dad in the eye. "He really is a great guy, dad. You can trust him." I whisper.

My dad looks a little doubtful. "What if he isn't used to normal things in life? He has had problems before. I mean, come on, his father just came back—"I cut him off. This was a little insulting, considering I was just as 'sick' as Tony was.

"This is a good thing for him. His father will help him now. They forgave each other. Everything is fine between them. This is good for him to be around a 'positive' influence, homey and comfortable. Nothing is wrong at home. We can at least help him out. Come on dad. He was there when I needed him. I want to be here for him."

My dad knew he was going to lose this fight. He knew how I felt about Tony, so he just accepted the fact. "I might not be happy about this later though. If he's trouble, he's out of here."

I understand where he's coming from so I nod.

Later that day: *Vanessa's house. Her Bedroom*

"Man, your grandma is cool. She is so in control and self-assured. She's my new role model." Tony says fondly. I laugh.

"Mine, too." We smile at each other. Tony looks me in the eye, and slowly leans forward. His eyes are half-lidded. I know what's coming and I welcome it. I latch my fingers around his neck and our lips meet. My fingers automatically tangle in his hair, my breathing becomes erratic. His fingers run circles around my hips. I lean into his touch. Just then, the door knocks and my dad states, "Dinner's ready." We jump apart, startled by the sudden sound. The buzzing in my veins goes double-time.

I start to pull away, when he suddenly pecks me with a chaste kiss, filled with desire, leaving me wanting more. He then heads into the bathroom and I fix my hair. He comes out looking…better. Decent. We walk down the hall for dinner. Real food, not the microwavable crap like at Golden Slopes. One luxury I have missed. So has Tony.

*The Next Day*

"Vanessa, call 9-1-1! Now!"

I wipe the sleep out of my eyes. Tony woke with a start and does the same. I run into where my dad yelled, phone in my hand expecting a burglar. What I see makes me scream. Grandma. No. Tears stream down my face.

My dad's yelling yanks me out of my revere. "Call 9-1-1 Vanessa! Hurry before it's too late!"

Tony takes in the scene, looks at my shaken expression, and gently takes the phone from my hands. "Here, don't worry Vanessa. Shhh. It's alright…" he continues to whisper sweet soothing words in my ear, gently stroking my hair. I hear a woman's voice on the phone. He called 911 for me.

"Hello, state your emergency."

Tony. "Look, my friend's grandmother is…dying. She isn't breathing. Get a paramedic here now!" He stated the address and hung up.

"Now all we can do is wait for them." Tony held me close. My world is falling apart. Everyone I care about is dying or dead. First, Connor, now Grandma. Who's next? I continued to cry rivers into Tony's pajama shirt.

"Shhh. It's alright. I'll drive you into the hospital, okay? We'll check on her now. Your dad is going with the paramedics, okay?" I nod to answer his question. My throat is restricted. I can't speak.

Later at the hospital

A doctor in a white lab coat approaches us. "Family of a 67-year-old who goes by the name Gwen Turner?" My dad gets up and talks to the doctor privately. They talk and the doctor shakes his head. My dad starts to cry. I already know what my father's going to say. I shed silent tears. Tony whispers sweet nothings to me as we head home. Death from cervical cancer she has had for 5 years. Why didn't she tell us?

At home

Trevor tucks me into bed. He talks to me, trying to comfort me the only way he knows how. "It's going to be alright." He whispers to me over and over.

He finally goes to sleep, but I don't feel tired. Just numb. I hate feeling this way. That is why I always cut. I hate the numb feeling. And then it hits me.

I slowly make my way to the bathroom. I know where the answer is. I lift the lid to a tampon box I keep. There wrapped in clean velvet is my cure for the numbness. I want to feel _something._

There is a moment of hesitation. _I've come so far. Do I want to throw that away? _My non-existent feelings tell me enough I need to know. I reach for the blade.

_Tony will be fine without me. He'll understand. _I feel bad for leaving him like this, but he should understand why I would do this. I open the door and take a last look of him before I look back at my self-medication for this pain.

I hold the knife in unsteady arms. The blade pierces my skin and I wince. I haven't done this in a while. My arm stings, but it is pulsing with the beautiful crimson I have wanted to see for a while now.

I know what to do if I want to end this. I look at the blue veins in my wrist, now clearly visible through the thin flesh. I cut deeper, relishing in the fact at how great I feel, at this moment. I recalled the moment I went under the first time. I worried about staining the tub. Well, this was bound to happen soon or later. This tub is prettier pink anyway.

I cut through the veins, fast and deep. The ragged teeth of the blade make me feel like I've never felt before. I feel like screaming, but I don't want to wake Tony or the other boys. Black fuzzy spots blot my vision, disabling me to see. I've done this before. It's better knowing what to expect.

I pass out into utter darkness.

Normal POV:

*the next day*

Vanessa's father was woken up by a broken sob, inaudible words, a scream, and then silence. He felt numb, but he decided to get up and see what was wrong.

He approached Vanessa's bathroom and immediately panicked, but calmed himself with the reasonable thinking that always calmed him during the fight in war.

What he saw next made him sink to his knees. Vanessa was holding a blade in her wrist, bleeding insanely. Seeing all the blood on the floor made him think she was past dead, but then she moved and moaned a bit.

Vanessa's father touched her arm, and then looked around and what he saw looked like the most horrifying thing he had seen in his own home. With a knife, Tony had pierced his heart, blood coating his entire torso. No doubt he was dead. Vanessa's dad looked around and immediately grabbed a phone nearby with his blood-soaked hands.

He called the paramedics. They took Vanessa's body into the hospital and Tony's body to the morgue. Vanessa's arm was stitched in place, while Tony's broken body lay dead and rotting in a cold room somewhere else in the hospital.

Vanessa woke up and automatically knew what was going to happen, or so she thought. "Why am I still here?" The nurse ignored her question and asked her if she knew the boy named Tony. "Yes, why? What's wrong with him? Is he okay?" The nurse looked a little sorrowful and undecided, like she might not tell after all, but decided against it and whispered in a strong, but gentle voice. "Honey, Tony committed suicide after he found your body in the bathroom. He thought he was too late, so he took a knife from the kitchen and killed himself by stabbing himself through the heart."

Silence followed the bold statement. Vanessa started panicking. The heart monitor went berserk. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! He's dead and it's ALL MY FAULT!" Suddenly, her body jerked and then the heart monitor stopped beating. She was seizing _and_ having a heart attack. The nurse frantically worked to save the girl, but no matter what they did, her heart never beat again.

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**A/N: **My first fan fic/one-shot. Please no flames, but ideas to help make my writing better is totally welcome. Sorry if there are grammar errors, and for the fast ending. And the fact that I forgot the names so I made my own (an example would be the grandma's name)… If you read it, you are brave! Lol. I'll write better one-shots soon or later. P.S. I love to read angst, so I thought I'd give it a try…bye for now! Enjoy at your own risk! ;)


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